philosophy
I have always felt to define myself as an actor is somewhat presumptuous. After all, I live in Columbus, Ohio, not New York, or L.A., or Chicago. That’s where the real talent is, right? This belief was foremost in my mind when I was young, contemplating a real, professional career in theatre. I experienced success in and out of school at a very young age, the lead in school plays, industrial films, choir solos, musicals, summer stock professional troupes. So, naturally, after college my next path would be on to New York City, hopefully to study at Julliard, and then, of course, Broadway.
But no. Didn’t happen. When it came time to “screw my courage to the sticking place”, my courage vanished into thin air. I think success as an actor requires more than talent. Every community has talented actors, but those who are able to eke out a living are those that have tunnel vision, those who have drive and persistence, who are willing to sacrifice family and fortune, and yes, who have courage. Alas, I had none of the above. Although I saw myself as an actor, I also saw myself as a wife and mother, and as strange and odd as this sounds, in the late sixties, the two seemed incompatible. I knew that if I gave my all to become a working actor, I wouldn’t have the time or energy for motherhood. And so, I got married and had four children in 5 years. No regrets, no heartburn, no nostalgia.
But now, thankfully and luckily, I’ve come full circle back to my first passion and love. Kids raised and raising their own, I now have the time to immerse myself in the wonderful illusion of the theater. Ivana Chubbick says, “the better you know yourself, the better actor you’ll be.” I think that is true. And while I will never have a chance to be Stella or Blanche, Lady Macbeth or Maggie the Cat, I have had the opportunity to portray Linda Loman, Scout, Hannah and Ethel Rosenberg, Betty, Dr. Brandt, Fraulein Schneider, and even Tigger! And I’m just getting started!
Josie Merkle
